positive thinking is the best way to achieve goals and live a happy healthy life

beauty is a choice :)

WHO LIVES IN NYC AND KNOW WHERE THEY MIGHT BE HIRING? HELP :)

i now weigh 177 pounds.

unbelievable to think i once weighed 210

Reaching for the top peeling off all the extra things.

the most beautiful utterly talented meticulous skillful creative woman stands underneath me and here I am not giving this woman this part of me thats so important a chance. The chance to shine and make everything I am real as real as I have made everything else in my life.

Everything else doesn’t matter.

My life cycle

The moment when you realize something you have already realized.

Its all a cycle with no beginning or end its been going on for as long as I could remember.

I would set weight loss goals all year long while doing NOTHING to accoplish the goal and live my life in complete DEPRESSION and LONELINESS 

I will begin the cycle in Semptember

From Semptember to December

my goal is to be skinny for christmas and when that doesn’t happen is for New years

Then my new years Resolution is to be skinny by February

Then on February is to be skinny by summer

then it starts ALL OVER again

IT ENDS NOW.

I am going to finish

I am going to be skinny

junk food junk food junk food

 i been eating all types of unhealthy foods for awhile with no exercise.

I’ve been eating

• subway sandwiches
• Mcdonalds cookies
• Starbucks drinks w/ madelines
• Cheeseburger w/ fries
• green plaintain w/ cheese and salami
• Oreos
• Chips
• Soda
• crazy amount of bread
• Rice w/ steak

anyways basically A LOT of uneccessary shit

and its horrible I’ve spent $100 in one week on all this week when I could’ve spent it on better things.

Constant failures from all angles

Im sick of my life and sick of my failures i hate not knowing what to do and making the right choices. I continue fail over and ovef again i cant stop eating i feel like cutting myself but i know those are all signs of weaknesses and i am not weak thats why i am here on this planet i need to be strong

Be your own motivation

truth

So, I haven’t been dieting or exercising for quiet some time now and I been okay with it. My weight isn’t as bad and depressing as I thought it was, I AM FAT! and I’m fine with that I could accept it. I am not any less of a person because of it and I am not any less pretty, or charming, or less smart than a skinny girl.

 So from now on I am losing weight but with a smile on my face because I am happy and glad of who I am and who I have been, I am enough, I am great.

The only choice I regret was ever feeling any less than anybody, feeling intimidated by someone skinnier than me.

I am going to do it and I am going to accomplish it because I came to win and I am not giving up…I am going to give it all I have because its what I want and what I could accomplish.

And there is no need to beat myself up for who I been and the choices I’ve made, instead is to focus on my present and how great I am going to make it.

basically im letting go of my past and of the memories they happened and thats it. I just cannot continue to undergo the same path because that all I am doing trying to relive my past and make it better, ITS GONE!

I LOVE MYSELF, I LOVE MY LIFE SO I WILL NOT CONTINUE TO HURT ME BECAUSE ITS not LEADING ME INTO SUCCESS ONLY INTO GREATER DEPRESSION.

NEW ATTITUDE TOWARDS THIS ADVENTURE.

Todays intake

Special K bar

(2) whole grain slice of bread

(2) laughing cow swiss cheese

(2) honey nut cheerios w/ milk

tuna fish w/ white bread

Baby food applesauce

Oreos

Pound cake

NOT GOOD AT ALL

So many thoughts so many thoughts

1) when im out and i dont have ny i pod on I hear the STRANGEST things
2) how awkward is it when you’re on your phone and you smile or laugh at something you read and people start looking at you all weird.
3) How the fuck did I gain a pound in one day and I worked out and the past wekk I’ve done nothing and have not. i swear!
4) I hate when I’m eavesdropping and can’t help but look at the person… Makes it so obvious

Old jeans

I have been fitting into my old jeans and that’s great because I couldn’t even button them not even close to do so, but that isn’t enough for me anymore I don’t want to fit into my jeans at all into any of my clothes. i want all my clothes to be too big for my small frame.

Staying the same weight never felt so good

ive been eating HORRIBLY this past week, eating extremely late, munching on junk food and NOT exercising and for some reason i am still 182 pounds ha! That feels goood! Anyways let me start burning calories to get out of the 80’s